I don't know whether to long for you
or to pretend not to see you,
whether to push memories away
or to strive not to lose them.
When my heart is angry
is like playing tug of war:
a little here
a little there,
tugging this way
tugging that way,
I want you
I don't want you,
I wish I didn't see you again
I wish I'll see you in every moment,
I'll never forgive you
but I had already forgiven you.
How big a mistake must it be
to make us give up love?
And how big a love must it be
to make us give up mistakes?
I will keep on thinking of you
without deciding not to think of you
because deceiving love
is so easy
when the heart is angry.

October 20, 2021